Holiday Triggers

The Fourth of July and other long holiday weekends which happen during these spectacular summer months are truly the best for unwinding from the stresses of our daily go-go routines.

More time is spent outdoors relaxing and doing the things that we all look forward to: gardening, swimming, walking, grilling and just chillin’ and loungin’ in our favorite space.

But those activities can also serve as a difficult reminder that a loved one is no longer with us and while I hope that those reminders don’t stop you from going ahead and doing what you planned, those wistful thoughts can tend to hang around while you are trying hard to create new routines and memories.

Simple summer rituals such as shucking corn on the cob, putting out the flag, making potato salad and finding red, white and blue clothes to wear can trigger a little reminder of that special person.  Something unique to them. A sight, a sound, a smell can take you instantly back to another time that you shared with that person.

When I feel a trigger pull me back in time to something that my funny and unfiltered late husband would do or say, I usually let the memory run itself out in my mind and then I try to move on to the next thing by telling myself that I’m lucky to have such a memory.  Then there are also other times when I don’t want to be pulled back by a trigger, I want to stay in the present moment.

And that’s okay to remain in the here and now.

I find it is not always healthy for me to let my mind go wandering through all sorts of memories when a trigger happens.  I want to enjoy myself and I know my deceased husband would be the first person to agree with the idea of having a good time and celebrating a holiday.

Here’s a poem I recently found that keeps me in the right mindset by expressing beautifully the idea of just being in the present.  I hope you find it to be helpful too!

MEDITATION

By Don Winslow

No goals, no expectations

Whatever is, is.

For now — just Be.

No future, no past

Just the present.

For now — just Be.

Ups, downs,

They don’t exist in this instant of time.

For now — just Be.

Care and woes?

Don’t worry, they’ll still be there.

For now — just Be.

Wishes are good, Prayers might be better,

But not for now.

For now — just Be.

For one minute, for one hour,

It doesn’t matter.

For one — just Be.

Breath in, breath out,

Focus on the present.

For now, just for now.

Just Be.

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