It’s Not What You Think

October 26th, 2012
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To show you how little I knew about loss and the grieving process, I thought that the first year after my husband’s death was going to be the hardest time that I would ever have to experience.  My thinking was something along the lines of  “If I can get the first year under my belt, then each year after that will become easier to handle.”
Guess what? Not. Always. True.
Grief is always full of surprises and just when you think you have it under control, you don’t.
The first year was so raw with emotion for me … Read More

Working Through Emotional Pain

September 19th, 2012
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Sunrise off the coast of Ireland At one time, I thought that if you ignored something unpleasant it would go away or solve itself on it’s own. And sometimes that actually does happen: people move away, they change jobs or people decide to transfer their children to another school. But for the big emotional stuff — grieving, divorce, abuse, illness — I find you have to face it and slowly work through the painful issues to get to the other side of it and eventually heal your inner self.  I have found that if you ignore the emotional pain from… Read More

You Say Tomato…

August 31st, 2012
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I can’t resist the red deliciousness of ripe, juicy summer tomatoes. . .plus, they are sooooooo good for you, body and soul. Tomatoes are considered a superfood because they contain a whole series of anticancer nutrients, such as lycopene, which is a powerful antioxidant that can help protect your body against degenerative diseases by neutralizing free radicals. What a mouthful!  In plain English what I’m trying to say is that tomatoes build up your immune system, the body’s front line system for fighting diseases.  In fact, doctors have found that a maintaining a diet high in the lycopene reduces the… Read More

On Your Own Time

August 20th, 2012
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Slowly but surely, I have found that the passage of time does help you gain inner strength and perspective as you try to adjust to an altered life after the loss of a loved one.  Your emotions are not as a raw as they were in the beginning of the grieving process and eventually you start to feel that you have more control over the sadness and confusion concerning your loss. It just doesn’t happen as fast as everyone else wants it to happen. Unfortunately, our go-go society is not very tolerant of understanding how much time it really and… Read More

The Fear of Tears

May 24th, 2012
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Earlier this week, my son and I were reminiscing about our journey through the college and high school years that occurred immediately after his father’s/my husband’s death and in the midst of talking we started laughing about a period of time that was quite painful and confusing for us. What’s up with that? It surprised us that this happened and I thought I would share this experience with my wonderful readers because it might help someone to know that there is always hope and that things can turn themselves around when you least expect it.  If our conversation helps someone… Read More

The Anger of Losing Someone

March 27th, 2012
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Anger is a normal part of grieving.  It is.  I know people would rather not address this part of grief but it’s there and it’s best to find a way to come to grips with it.  When a loved one dies, many people feel anger first rather than sadness because they feel they are being left behind and also feel very helpless.  Everyone says that life must go and it does but what do you do with the anger you feel? Many people try to push the anger down and ignore it because the intensity of it scares them.  That’s… Read More

Holiday Mental Health

December 22nd, 2011
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New York Daily News Photo The holidays are all around us and sometimes it feels as though the songs, the decorations and even the food are reminders of the beloved people we lost. This time of year can be especially difficult for those of us in search of a place of peace.  We quietly ache for the presence of a particular person we loved and grieve for while we also try to live in this season of celebration. If you feel as though you are at that point of bearing too much, it’s okay to take a break from your… Read More

The Month of Thanks

November 18th, 2011
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A Bowl of Hot Smashed Spuds…YUMMMM As we ready for that time of year when we traditionally pause and give thanks, this year may be hard for some to find a reason to be thankful. If you recently lost a loved one, a holiday celebration can exacerbate all the jumbled up feelings you are experiencing and trying to understand. Thanksgiving was the first holiday that my son and I experienced following my husband’s death.  Our son was thirteen at the time and he and I decided to stay with our usual Thanksgiving routine of having dinner at my parent’s house… Read More

Laughing Enriches Your Life

October 28th, 2011
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Laughing can make you relax and breathe. It’s really true, according to The Washington Post story below.   When times are tough, a sense of humor can help us cope.  I think it always makes you feel better if you can make fun of the person who is stressing you out or make a joke about the awful situation you’re in! KHAM/Reuters Laughing may help ease blood pressure, boost mood and enrich health in other ways By Carolyn Butler, Published: October 24 The Washington Post Whenever I took a tumble or scraped my knee as a child, my mother typically assessed… Read More